Cynical Replies to Optimistic Sayings

Some folks have noted that under my jolly, light-hearted outside lurks a derisive, deeply cynical gnome. Indeed, being both at the same time seems like a good and wise sport in these times. Here’s some gnomic replies to happy sayings I was thinking about in the shower this morning:

• “A rising tide lifts all boats”….except people who are swimming. They just drown.
• “Every cloud has a silver lining”…every silver lining has a cloud.
• “The Quicker You Let Go Of Old Cheese, The Sooner You Find New Cheese“…unless cheese can be made cheaper somewhere else, in which case, no more cheese for you!
• “The early bird gets the Worm.” …I don’t eat worms.
• “If you can’t measure it, you can’t manage it.” …If you measure, you only get what you measured, all the immeasurable stuff gets left out.