In my real life, I don’t complain. Even when I get cut.
But complaining is bi-directionally valuable
What I get wrong is that people complaining want immediate action, a fix. This makes complaint stressful, both for me to do and hear. I don’t want people doing things for me, to carry that debt on my books. And when someone complains at me, I get stressed out that I know have to work, and do the right thing. Either way, complaining just opens up another opportunity for struggle and failure.
Instead, complaining is mostly a form of blowing off steam, and even friendship.
I’ve read that angry and defeated apes will hit lower status apes to blow off steam.
In some way, complaining is that, without the hitting. You feel better, and people can also bond with you.
And with me, when I don’t complain, it metaphorically builds up until I get anger and, worse, resentful.
I don’t understand the mechanisms of it at all, and therefore find it hard to do and benefit from, but: sharing your bad feelings and experiences with someone – complaining -, being “heard” is critical for mental well-being.