Tips for Michaels

When Kim and I started living together, we had to figure out the shared rules of the house. Back in 2004, Kim provided a handy list for me:

  • General
    • Don’t stomp or “walk heavy.”
    • When you answer the phone don’t belt out a loud “HELLO!” directly into the caller’s ear.
    • Every item in the house has its place.
    • Don’t “flick” things off your fingers onto the floor or sink or any other place. Use towels.
    • Always keep the shower curtain spread out, across the entire shower, not bunched up on one end.
    • Never set drinks down on board games.
  • Fashion
    • Always wear a white undershirt.
    • Don’t wear your collar up.
    • In summer, wear light colored clothes. In winter, wear dark colored clothes.
    • When “dressing up,” your belt should match your shoes.
    • If you tuck any shirt into blue-jeans, you look like a cowboy. That’s not good.
    • Tucking shirts into khakis is OK.
    • Don’t stretch the collar of your undershirt, and don’t wear undershirts with stretched out collars.
  • The Kitchen
    • Never, ever, ever use anything metal (spoons, spatulas, sponges) on the pots and pans.
    • Don’t clean the stainless steel stovetop with a wire sponge.
    • Bag all your perishable trash in air-tight bags before throwing it away to prevent smells.
    • Don’t buy cans with dents in them.
    • Place knife blades up in the dishwasher. Forks should be upright too.
    • Don’t let one dish block another in the dishwasher.
    • Clean off dishes before putting them in the dishwasher.
    • Never wash your hands in the kitchen sink.
    • Don’t stab the cutting board with a knife, and leave it standing there.
  • Laundry
    • You have to separate lights and darks.
    • Lights: warm water.
    • Darks: cold water.
    • Check the tags on every item if it’s not yours and you don’t know how they should be cleaned, because several of my expensive clothes have been ruined because they’re dry clean only.
    • Put water in first, then detergent, then clothes.
    • Don’t put black clothes in the dryer. They fade faster.
    • Don’t let wet clothes sit in the washer too long before putting them in the dryer.
    • Don’t leave clothes in the dryer too long or they’ll get wrinkled.
  • Eating and Food
    • Don’t smack.
    • Don’t slurp. Even coffee.
    • Don’t kiss people with a wet mustache.
    • Putting hot sauce/bbq sauce/A1/ketchup on difficult to make meals may be seen as an insult.
    • When grocery shopping, give the produce a good look-over before buying.
    • Don’t put heavy foods on top of squish-able foods in the grocery cart or the refrigerator.
  • Social Stuff
    • You can’t ever leave without saying goodbye to everybody. If this is an issue, start saying goodbye 30 minutes before leaving.
    • You can call people just for short conversations. You don’t have to talk a long time with them. [Michael says: except your mother.]
    • Look people in the eye when you talk to them.
    • Don’t talk about work all the time.
    • Don’t mumble.
    • Don’t put your hand in front of your mouth while talking.
    • Smile and be friendly.
    • Don’t interrupt people.
    • Look interested in the conversation that you’re a part of.
    • Don’t be so stand-offish when people go to hug you.
    • Don’t be weird.
    • When invited to a bar, don’t worry if you don’t know everyone or are afraid it may not be a good time, because “drinkin’s drinkin’.” (Nick’s tip)
  • Personal Hygene
    • When you’re cleaning your ears with a Q-tip, lock the bathroom door.
    • Keep a fresh breath. Look into gum.
    • Trim nose hairs.
    • Keep beard and mustache nicely trimmed.
    • Keep toe and finger nails nicely trimmed at all times.

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