Date: Sun, 10 Mar 2002 01:40:08 -0600
Subject: Taco Stupid!
From: “Josh Knowles“
To: “Michael Cote'”
If I ever start a Mexican fast-food chain, that’s what it’s going to be
called: Taco Stupid! (With the “!”, like Yahoo!) Imagine the big plastic
sign, bubbling red lettering with a yellow border, kinda bouncy like it’s
about to jump of the sign and land laughing in your lap — watch out! And
then you’ll be able to order, like, a taco combo plate (two soft tacos, corn
chips, and a Pepsi), but you’ll be able to “Stupid-Size It!” and get an
extra soft taco and a Stupid-Sized Pepsi. Maybe the flagship food product
will be *the* Taco Stupid! — a footlong taco with special hot sauce,
sixteen different vegetables, and a 1/4 lb of beef. Then there’d be Taco
Stupid! Junior, a smaller taco (but no less delicious!) that inexplicably
will come in a bright blue tortilla. And there’d be other products such as
Nacho Insane! and Burrito Ugly! “Yes, I’d like one Stupid-Sized Burrito
Ugly! combo with an extra Nacho Insane! Junior on the side.”And imagine the
television commercials featuring a joyfully plump mariachi guitarist who
hollars “Taco Stooooopeed!” with a crazy Mexican accent at the end of each
spot. And the postmodern craziness that comes before him, the stuff that’ll
appeal to the media-savvy younger set. Picture: some stoner-ish kid saying
“The new purple-cheese Extra-Mexi-Stupid-Sized Burrito Ugly! is so
-bleep-in’ good, I’m gunna rub it on the inside of your TV screen until you
go out and try one.” and then he smears one disgustingly on what appears to
be the inside of the glass on your TV screen, getting the purple cheese and
sixteen vegetables all over the place. Then we cut to the mariachi guy —
we’ll call him “Pedro” — on a white background yelling “Taco Stoooooopeed!”
With Taco Stupid!.
I will be a God.
I forgot what else I was going to say. Something intelligent, no doubt.